


Almost

by EtoilesEtChats



Series: A Sister By Any Other Name [3]
Category: Castle
Genre: Alternate Universe, Divorce, Family, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtoilesEtChats/pseuds/EtoilesEtChats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During Season 4 Episode 1, Rise, an alternate version of Beckett getting shot by the sniper at Montgomery's funeral and her recovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Cigar

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based a lot of what goes on with Kate post-surgery on my father’s treatment after a triple bypass surgery. I’m hoping this is pretty accurate! My father also used to say, "Almost only counts in horseshoes and heart-attacks." And another thing he'd say to me was "almost, but no cigar" when I just barely missed at something. So that's where the name came from for this chapter.

Ali arrived at the ER waiting room, panicked, not able to see straight. She saw a few familiar faces from the Twelfth, and then she saw her father. “Dad! Daddy!”  she called.

Her father whirled around, seeing her. She could tell he was terrified, but trying to be angry. Damn, what a time for this to happen. “Alison?”

“Oh, Dad!” Ali cried, her professional air completely breaking and tears rushed to her eyes. She dove into her father’s arms to muffle her sobs.  “Is it true? Is she dead?”

“No,” he said. “She’s in surgery right now.”

“What happened?” she whispered.

“She was shot-”

“At a _funeral_?” she asked, astounded.

“A sniper shot. He was so far away, nobody saw him or caught him.”

She saw a familiar face come through the ER doors: Lanie. “Lanie!” she cried.

She caught Lanie’s attention, and she came over to her to hug her. “How is she? Dad told me she’s in the surgical suite.”

“Yeah, she is,” she said, her lower lip trembling. “It didn’t look good. We think she was shot… in the heart.” Ali felt the blood rush to her head and her knees buckled beneath her: she wouldn’t lose her best friend in the world, the sister that was practically her other half. Esposito caught her. “Sweetheart! Ali?” He dragged her over to the couch, where another police officer in full formal uniform got up and helped her into the seat.

She felt hot all over: she couldn’t survive if her sister was suddenly ripped from her life. Her heart would break. The nausea hit her: this was her worst fear since Katie announced she was joining the NYPD. Katie would die, quickly, suddenly, with no preparation. It was coming true today. Today, of all days, when Katie lost her Captain, a mentor, and they were planning on putting him to rest. Why hadn’t she insisted on going to the funeral with her? “Why?” she uttered.

“Do you need some water?” Esposito asked. “Are you going to be okay? Lanie!”

“Please,” Ali whispered. “What’s the prognosis?”

“She’s lost a lot blood, too,” he said, his face looking haggard with worry.

“We share a blood type, I know this. I can donate whatever she needs,” Ali said, sitting up to shrug out of her jacket. “Who better than your sibling, right?”

“Sweetheart, wait,” Lanie said softly, tugging the jacket back up Ali’s arm.

“I should have been there,” Ali whispered. “I offered, and she told me no, not to go, I’d be missing work, and I didn’t know Montgomery very well, and I let her down-”

“What, so you could have gotten shot, too?” Lanie asked.

“Who shot her? Why?”

“We don’t know, yet,” Esposito admitted. “All we can do is wait. She’s in God’s hands right now.”

Alison didn’t know what else to say, what questions to ask: if no one could tell her that Katie was going to be okay, they seriously did not know. Her phone chimed in her purse: she was surprised she had remembered her purse at all. She fished her phone out, and looked at the numerous texts she had gotten: Kent had texted her. He already heard it?

_“I heard about Katie. What’s the news? I know things are weird between us, but I am praying for her.”_

Ali swallowed, brushing her tears from her eyes.

 _“Thank you_ . _She’s in the OR ATM. Nothing from the doc, yet._ ” she texted back.

Lanie came back with a paper cup of water from the fountain and very carefully put it in Ali’s shaking hands. Lanie’s hands were shaking, too. She sat down beside her, shaking. “You just missed it: I thought Josh was going to punch Castle. He thinks it’s his fault. He was operating on her, but Doctor Kovac took over.”

Ali knew that Kate looked back into her mother’s murder again, and Montgomery was dead because of it. Were the same people trying to kill her? Was that who was behind the shooting?

“Your dad broke it up. Look, if you need to throw up or anything, let me know, I’ll get you to the bathroom, okay?”

Ali nodded, biting her lips together. Lanie took her hand: and Ali was grateful. She knew Lanie pretty well, and Lanie was Katie’s other best friend. If she needed someone to lean on right now, this was her person. She didn’t dare lean on her father, who pacing, walking circles in the waiting room. She leaned on Lanie, who leaned back on her, and Ali let her tears fall down onto her lap.

They stayed like this in the waiting room, and Ali was so anxious, she couldn’t breathe, but she couldn’t move, either. What if she missed it when the doctor came out? The news was, it was Dr. Kovac finishing the operation. They waited anxiously, CNN and New York 1 alternating on the waiting room TV.

An older surgeon came out, his OR scrubs dotted with blood, and Lanie leapt to her feet, not letting go of Ali’s hand. Lanie dragged her over. “Mr. Beckett?” he asked.

Jim leapt up. “Yes?”

“Your daughter is out of surgery.”

Ali’s vision went dark for a moment, and she felt like she’d faint again, but she managed not to. “Is she alright?” her father asked.

“During the surgery, she experienced cardiac arrest,” he said. “We were able to get her heart beating again on it’s own. But we’ll need to watch her very closely.”

“When can I see her?”

“Once the nurses get her settled, we’ll bring you back to her.”

“What about me?” Ali asked. “I’m her sister. I can donate blood if she needs it, we match blood types, you know.”

“Family only right now,” the doctor said. “Two visitors should be fine. The rest of you should go home and get some rest.”

“Go on,” Lanie whispered in Ali’s ear.

“I’ll let you know how she’s doing once I get out,” she promised, letting go of Lanie’s precious hand, and taking her father’s elbow. Jim gripped his youngest daughter tightly, and they waited by the nurse’s station as the others left: particularly to go to the Precinct.

Ali didn’t care at this moment; all she wanted was to get to her sister’s side to tell her how much she loved her and how thankful she was that she had survived so far. She didn’t want to leave Katie’s side at all. Katie hadn’t left her side after the ‘accident’. Ali had hated to think about it: her sister had given up the rest of a year in the Ukraine to stay here with her, to raise her. Their mother had only been dead for three years at that time, and Katie had left for the Ukraine, telling her _grow up, Ali! I came home for a year for you, I think it’s okay for me to go see the world!_ Ali had felt deeply betrayed; Katie was leaving her with an alcoholic father who was out of control. Things kept on getting worse, and Ali kept on getting angrier and angrier at herself. It finally got to the point where all she could do was cry out, make a dramatic gesture after a frightening vision. And she sliced her wrist open with a broken-up razor. Katie had rushed home from the Ukraine at the news, and it had been humiliating for Ali that she hadn’t succeeded. She hadn’t gotten the reaction she had wanted. But Katie chewed their father out, and suddenly he got sober. And she and Ali made the promise that they’d be there for each other at all costs from here on out. Now was that time. Ali had to be there for Katie, and to take care of her.

A nurse came out to advise them of what they were doing with Katie. “We’re moving her from the post-surgery recovery to ICU post-surgical. She’ll be ready in a moment.”

“Thank you,” Jim said, squeezing Ali’s hand. “Alidoodle, she’s going to be pretty out of it when we get there,” her father said. “Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t understand anything you’re saying. She probably won’t even remember us coming in to see her, she’ll be so doped up.”

She nodded.

“Mr. Beckett? Are you ready?” a nurse finally said.

“Come on,” Jim said, taking his younger daughter’s hand.

The two followed the nurse through the ER and towards the ICU post-surgical unit.

Katie was laid across the hospital bed, pale, tubes stuck into arms, her neck, her nose, and some were disappearing under the white hospital sheet tucked under her arms: they hadn’t dressed her in a hospital gown, yet. There were yellow of traces of iodine still on her skin, bruises around her eyes, and her mouth was chapped at the sides. Her chest moved just slightly as she breathed. She almost looked like a corpse in the dim ICU light.

“Katie,” Ali whispered.

“Katie, sweetheart?” her father asked.

Katie moaned softly, unmoving. Ali moved closer, and slid a hand over Katie’s right one: there was a needle with a tube attached to it stuck into the back of her hand, with surgical tape atop it, a small bruise forming. Ali looked up Katie’s arm, and realized that their father’s watch was missing. “Why isn’t she dressed in a hospital gown?”

“We don’t want to move her much, yet,” the nurse explained. “We had to crack her sternum.”

“Open-heart surgery?” Jim asked.

“Yes.”

“Where are her things?” Ali asked.

“We had to cut off most of her clothes. They were tossed with the medical waste from her surgery.”

“No, she wears a chain with a ring on it. And she has a watch.”

“We saved them, they’re at the nurse’s station right now.”

“Good,” she whispered. “I’ll pick them up in a moment.” She looked up into her sister’s face, and realized that the bruises on her cheeks and around her eyes were smears of make-up. Did she still have that tiny tube of vaseline for lips in her purse, to clean her sister’s face off? Katie could hardly move at all right now, anyway, her chest had been cracked open. Ali realized this was her turn to do what Katie had done for her, nine years ago after the “accident.”

As her father spoke to Katie gently in a low voice, Ali sorted through her purse to find the Vaseline and she carefully squeezed some out onto the pad of her ring finger and dabbed it around Katie’s eyes. Katie grunted at the initial touch, but accepted Ali’s gentle care. Ali wiped the black smears of make-up off her sister’s face with a hospital tissue, and began compiling a list in her head of all the things Katie would need in the hospital, in recovery, all the things she’d have to do to sort out her own life. Katie was so used to being independent, nobody would want to put up with her stubbornness except Ali herself. And Ali was ready for it. She always would be.

* * *

Ali spent the next day in the waiting room of the ICU, catching a nap in the hospital chairs, waiting for those fifteen minutes every four hours where she could hold Katie’s hand and talk to her a little. Other times, sending update texts. Other times, accepting take-out from Lanie, who was thoughtful enough to bring food by for her and Jim. Katie sometimes responded, but under the heavy haze of drugs, her responses were sparse and rarely made sense. The nurses put a hospital gown on her, finally.

“This reminds me of that time when I came home from school in seventh grade and I smelled this awful scent in the hallway,” Ali said, squeezing her sister’s hand. “I opened the door, and you were laid out on the couch, watching _Ren and Stimpy_ with your then boyfriend, I don’t even remember his name, and the two of you were so stoned out of your minds.” Ali chortled. “You shot up and he freaked out, because the two of you thought I was Mom or Dad or something and you were busted.”

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Katie slurred, not opening her eyes. She was still doped up on morphine.

“It was funny. I held that over your head for a few weeks.”

“Yeah.”

“Until you broke up with that guy and your thing became smoking cloves with JP.”

“Hmm.”

Katie’s eyes cracked open, and she had crud in the corners. Ali very carefully picked it out with her fingernail, so as not to poke her. Katie twitched a little. “Almost got it,” Ali said. “Just be still.”

Katie groaned, and Ali got it. “Go home,” Katie whispered.

“What?”

“Go home and sleep. Tessie and Booker,” she was slurring like a drunk.

“Oh…” Her cats had been the last thing on her mind, and she remembered them. They’d need their bowls refilled and their litter box cleaned out. “I’ll get them soon.”

“Miss Beckett?” the nurse asked, coming into the room. “We’re going to take you off the morphine drip, dial it down, and then we’re going to have you up and walking.”

“You are?” Ali asked.

“You’re going to stay?” the nurse asked.

“You want me to?” Ali asked her sister.

“Yeah,” Katie replied, eyes rolling up in her head.

They turned down her morphine, and then let it metabolise of her system. Ali sat with her, talked to her, and Katie got a little more articulate, and less stoned. She said the pain started to bother her, but the nurses came in and assisted her with standing up, putting grippy socks on her feet. Ali made sure her gown was tied shut in the back and the nurses got her hands around the walker bars. “Let’s start to walk, see if you can do it.”

They started to push her forward, and Ali walked behind them. Katie advanced, looking like an old lady, bowed over, slumping. But, she was up and walking, what they wanted for her to push her recovery forward.

After they got Kate to walk around the ICU a few times, they put her back in the hospital bed. “She’s doing great,” the head nurse said. “We’re going to move her to a private room once one opens up. I take it she was in really great shape before the shooting.”

“She was,” Ali said. “She fought fully-grown men every morning for breakfast. Literally.”

“She was a cop, wasn’t she?”

Ali nodded. “She hates being dependent on anybody. She’ll probably be your worst patient.”

“They always say that doctors make the worst patients,” the nurse said, grinning.

“Well, she’ll be worse, trust me.”

* * *

They finally gave Katie a sleeping pill and Ali realized staying would be just sleeping on the couch in the waiting room. She gathered her things and checked her watch; it was three in the afternoon. She needed to get back home, to check on the cats, and maybe take a nap herself, until tomorrow morning, to go back to the hospital in the morning.

She caught a cab, and took a moment to check her text messages: the news had spread that her sister was in the hospital. She had another text from Kent.

“ _Call me when you get a moment.”_

Ali dialed Kent. “Ali?”

“Hey,” she said. “Thanks for the text messages.”

“How’s Katie doing?”

“She’s stabilized. They had her walking around the ICU with a walker and they just gave her a sleeping pill.”

“How bad was it?”

“It was a sniper, I think. Got her right in the heart.” Ali felt her voice break. “Esposito and Ryan are already at work on it with Castle back at the Twelfth.”

Kent was silent for a long time. “Ali, do you need me to come home?”

She swallowed. “That’d be nice.”

“I’ll see if I can. What… how does somebody get shot in the middle of the day at a police funeral? So confusing...”

“Kent… you know how my mother died when I was fourteen?” Ali asked. “I told you about it, right?”

“Yes?”

“Katie dug in the case. And she riled some feathers, if I heard correctly and she got the crosshairs.” Ali was all cried out, now, she couldn’t cry any more. Katie was alive and safe for now. “Surviving was kind of a warning.”

“Oh, Ali… I’m sorry. I’ll meet you at our old apartment in an hour, okay?”

“Oh Kent, thank you. Can’t wait to see you.”

“Same here. I’ll see you soon. Take care.”

She leaned back in the cab and closed her eyes. The clouds were rolling in, it was going to rain tonight. Or tomorrow. The cab pulled up to their building, and Ali got out, just barely remembering her purse.

It wasn’t so lonely coming home to Booker and Tessie in their loft apartment. The cats were eager to see her, and talked to their momma before she got into a desperately needed shower. She took an Aleve and opened some mail, then checked her work email. She sent an email to her boss that her sister was going to be in the hospital for at least a week. She took off her clothes, changing into some pajamas, and poured herself a glass of wine and sat down in bed, trying to breathe.

She wasn’t sure if it was next door or in her apartment, but she sat up.

“Ali?”

It was Kent’s voice. “Kent? Honey?”

“Ali,” Kent appeared in the doorway. “How is she?”

Ali sat up, relieved. “They’re moving her to a private hospital room soon if they haven’t already. You’re already here?” she asked. “It’s been a rough, oh say, forty-eight hours.”

Kent wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her scalp.

“Man, poor Katie,” Kent muttered.

“I don’t even know what happened, what she found out,” Ali admitted. Kent slip his fingers under Ali’s chin to lift it. “Castle and Josh practically got into a fight in the ER waiting room.”

“Oh my God…”

“Yeah.” Was this Kent giving them a second chance? He lowered his lips to hers to kiss her, and she melted. This was an incredible moment for a second chance. _Funny,_ she thought, _how tragedy can make you realize what’s important and what’s not._ She moaned slightly into the kiss and he slid his tongue along her lower lip, opening her lips. She melted into his form. She needed him at her side right now. “Thank you for coming home,” she murmured between kisses, guiding him towards the bed.

* * *

Ali left Kent in the bed and went to the hospital to check in on Katie, stopping off at the drug store to pick up some toiletries for her. She had to pass some police officers stationed outside the ICU recovery ward, mainly for Katie. Inside, Katie still looked pale, but she was positioned to sit up. They still haven’t moved her to a private room.

“Good morning,” Ali sang. “You look good for a gunshot victim.”

“Which is probably terrible,” Katie croaked. She grinned up at her sister. “I know you took care of me when I got out of surgery.”

“Of course I did,” Ali said, trying to brush it off, sheepishly. “I brought you some stuff. A toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and some face wash and face cream, just some sample sizes. I can raid your bathroom or go to Sephora later.”

“You are an angel,” Katie sighed holding out an arm weakly for the plastic sack. “Thank you.”

“What are sisters for?”

Katie sighed in relief: at least she didn’t have all the creepy tubes stuck in her today.

“How are you feeling?” Ali asked, sitting down beside her in a folding chair.

“Like hell,” she admitted. “But… I’m here. Everything hurts, but I’m here.”

“Yeah,” Ali said, holding her hand. “Man, that was terrifying. I can’t imagine losing you, Katie.”

Katie smiled sadly. “I didn’t realize I was still in danger after Montgomery...” her voice trailed off.

“I’m just wondering… what really happened?” Ali asked.

Katie shook her head. “A lot. It’s a long story-”

Josh stepped inside, but Katie held up her hand to let him know she needed a moment.

“Well, Josh is here,” Ali sighed. “And… Kent came home last night. We kind of spent the evening kind of… making up.”

“Oh really?” Katie asked, eyebrow arched, a smirk on her face. “If I didn’t have a boyfriend waiting on me, I’d ask you for details.”

“You’ll get them eventually,” Ali said. “Man, you even have two men fighting over you when you’re unconscious,” she attempted to joke. “Did anybody tell you, yet?”

“Well, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” Katie said. “I’m sure it wasn’t me, just how I got into this situation.”

“I don’t even know what it was about. I think everybody was on edge.”

“I guess so. Damn if I flatlined and had a cardiac arrest. I can’t believe it, myself,” Katie muttered.

“Well, you’re still here,” Ali said, squeezing her hand gently. “That’s all that I care about.”

“I love you,” Katie said. “So much. I didn’t meant to put myself in this position-”

“I love you too,” Ali said. “That’s all that matters. I’m going to let Josh have a few minutes with you, and go raid your bathroom, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll see you later?”

“Yes. Let me know if you want me to bring you something better than hospital food.”

“I will.”

Ali stood, bending over to kiss her sister’s cheek since she couldn’t hug her. Katie patted her cheek. “You’re the best,” Katie whispered.

On her way out, she stopped to hug Josh. “How is she?” he asked.

“Good outlook,” Ali said. “She’s gonna be okay. Thanks for coming in.”

Josh hugged her. “You don’t know how relieved I am.”

“Me too,” Ali said. She grinned. “I think she can’t wait to see you. I’ll see you later.”

“Alright.”

She slipped past the cops guarding the ICU, and took the subway to Katie’s apartment, slipping in. She went through Katie’s medicine cabinet and her pajama drawer. What kind things were they going to need to help her do everyday things like, like pee on a toilet or take a shower? She could hardly move right now, how long was she going to be in this kind of pain and unable to move properly? And her sternum was cracked open, and that must have affected her whole body. The doctors said it would take three to six months for it to heal completely. Katie had a long journey ahead of her.

There was a text from her father that Katie was sleeping, and needed some quiet. Ali packed up her sister’s things and the book from her nightstand, and took the duffel bag home to her apartment. She’d go to see Katie later.

Kent was waiting, having taken a heavy nap and a shower. He was standing in the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his hips as he brushed his teeth, having just shaved, singing the chorus to _Dancin’ with Myself_ in the bathroom. “Hey,” she said, slipping her arms around his middle, burying her face into his clean, damp skin.

“How is she doing?”

“She’s in a lot of pain, can’t move well, but she’s awake and aware, and we had a conversation right as Josh arrived.”

“Josh the surgeon?”

“Yep. I raided her place. I’m going to go by later this afternoon, she’s sleeping right now.”

“Good to hear. Booker and I rekindled our bromance.”

“Well, that’s good! Do you want to go get some lunch? I’m starved.”

“Sure, just let me get dressed, okay?”

“Okay.”

He got dressed and she watered the plants and cleaned up the kitchen a little. They went out for fish tacos and margaritas.

* * *

 

It felt like old times. He wanted to be part of her life and take interest in her: he wanted to spend time with her. Maybe he’d finally stand up to his mother for her. Ali felt like she was falling in love again with Kent.

Every night that week with Kent was like their honeymoon. She was satisfied and refreshed every morning when she went to see Katie. She tried to do some work and checked in with the office, but she felt relieved that Katie was getting to the point where they were talking about releasing her so soon at the hospital. On the third day, Ali came home to see two of Kent’s suitcase in the middle of the living room.

“Kent, honey?” she asked.

“Hi, Ali,” he called. “How are things at the hospital?”

“Katie’s going to be released in a few days,” she said. “Why are you packing your things?”

“Ali, you know we’re over, right?” Kent said, sounding surprised.

“Kent!” Ali cried. “I thought… you came home for me!”

“I’m going back to my mother’s place in Connecticut,” he said. “You couldn’t be the wife I needed in my political career, you couldn't renounce the LGBT community-”

“You do just fine with all my gay friends!” Ali cried, shocked. “I thought you were changing your mind about them!”

There was a long, pregnant silence, and Ali felt her world shattering. “Um, Ali,” Kent said softly.

“You bonded with Shawn and Henry!” she felt light-headed and embarrassed.

“I’ll always care about you,” he said. “I’ll probably always love you, but you have to support family values-”

“You can’t look at how close Katie and I are and say that I don’t have family values!”

“You know what I mean,” he said. “Ali, I’m here for you if you need me, but I’ve got my career plans, and you have yours. Our marriage is ending because you-”  
“Hey, don’t blame this on me! I wish you had told me there was no way we’d get back together before you came home,” Ali said, feeling hot tears in her eyes. “I’d have never taken you back into my bed if I had known you’d stay with the political party that wants to make Shawn and Henry miserable!”

“We knew this… didn’t we?”

She brushed her hair back out of her face. “Have a nice trip back to Connecticut,” she said, picking up her purse and sunglasses.

The trip to the hospital ached with every step. How had she been so stupid to not see that this was just break-up sex? She had broken up with boyfriends before. Just because they had shared a year together of their lives as husband and wife, why had she thought it was different? The red flags had been there: even things she had done, herself in the past to former boyfriends, Kent had just done to her. Kent’s mother had asked her to turn her back on the LGBT community for Kent’s political aspirations, the same community which had saved and sheltered her and Katie after they were kicked out of her father’s house, unceremoniously. She had refused and Kent couldn’t understand the big deal, she wasn’t gay, but it was the last straw. How had she been so blind? So stupid?

The whole thing was evident on her face as she went to Katie’s private hospital room where she had been moved. “What happened?” Katie asked, reading her.

“Well, Kent and I aren’t quite making up afterall. It was more like breakup sex,” she said, trying to make herself sound aggravated. She violently fought the tears gathering in her eyes.

“What?” Katie growled.

“He said to me, ‘you know, I’ll always love you and I’m always here for you, but we agreed to get divorced when you decided you couldn’t give up the LGBT community for my career.’ I feel like an idiot. I saw all the warning signs, and I thought things would be different because we were married,” Ali flopped down on a hospital chair.

“I’m sorry.” Katie whispered. “If I were in better shape, I’d go chopblock him.”

Ali tried to laugh, but her tears betrayed her. “I wish you could.”

“I told him never to hurt you or he’d have to deal with me.”

“Katie, it’s alright. I knew better, but I didn’t want to believe it.”

“Come here,” Katie said, scooting over gingerly in the hospital bed. Ali climbed in the bed beside her, and Katie did her best to hold her sister and she cried for a few minutes.

“It’s real, now,” Ali said. “It’s really over. I failed at marriage. Completely.”

“Not completely. Just consider it a... practice marriage.”

“I don’t mean to make this all about me,” Ali whispered into her sister’s shoulder.

“It’s been all about me all week, it’s okay,” Katie said. “I’m sure I stink right now, thanks for putting up with me.”

“I don’t care. I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You were just in love. And this is really tough to end a marriage.”

“You’ve still got Josh.”

“I know. But… I don’t know.”

“You don’t?”

“Things just don’t seem right,” Katie admitted. She grimaced. “It’s… my feelings are all jumbled up right now. It was Castle who tried to jump in front the bullet for me. Knowing that…”

“I thought you didn’t remember the funeral?”

“Parts of it, I do. And I’ve pieced stuff together that people have told me about it.”

“Why did you start digging in Mom’s murder again?” Ali asked. “With Castle?”

“It was a snap decision. A lot of things happened so fast and…” she shook her head. “I wish I could clear my head. And get out of New York for a while. It’s like everywhere I go, Castle’s there, and Josh is too and… the Island of Manhattan seems really small these days.”

“I know what you mean. You know there’s a PT clinic twenty minutes away from Dad’s cabin, right?” Ali asked.

“There is?”

Ali nodded, closing her eyes. “Manhattan seems really small right now to me, too these days.”


	2. Reset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Castle!

Kate didn’t trust Ali with her car, normally, but it was the only car between the two of them. Being a New Yorker, Ali didn’t need a car. She wasn’t used to sitting in the passenger seat, and Ali wasn’t the best driver. She still felt like her internal organs were sensitive and sore with every move, but the pain was getting better. She had had a talk with Josh the night before, and he agreed to come visit soon. The feelings she was wrestling with inside her were even more painful and she didn’t want to confront them.

“Will you please not slam on the brakes?” Kate asked as Ali neared the last tollbooth.

“I’m sorry! It’s hard to drive with someone who’s so sensitive to every little movement in the car!” Ali griped. She tried to carefully slow the car, but the seatbelt cut into Kate’s chest, and she cried out in pain. “What?” Ali howled. “I swear you’re just doing this to piss me off, if I didn’t know any better!”

“Who says I’m not?” Kate snorted.

“You ass.”

Ali rolled down the window and tossed in some change and they were let through to the exit. Tessie watched intently from the armrest, Ali’s co-pilot, while Booker snoozed in the backseat, drugged up on kitty Dramamine so he wouldn’t get carsick.

They passed the PT clinic where Kate was going to work out and get her strength back before turning off to the small blue highway to the lake. Kate was DJ in the car, and she was going through her iPod as well as Ali’s. She saw the Carpenter’s Greatest Hits on Ali’s mp3 player: that had been a favorite band of her mother’s. She felt nostalgic, and turned on _Rainy Days and Mondays_.

“Are you trying to make me cry?” Ali asked, tugging on the end of her braid. “You know that was Mom’s favorite song!”

“Then why do you have it on your iPod?”

“I need to cry over Mom sometimes. But not when I’m driving!”

“Yeah, sure. A gunshot wound isn’t enough pain, I wanted to add in a car wreck.”

“I’m sorry. Do you need some more Aspirin?”

“No, I can hold out until we get there.”

Ali continued the drive down the shady road to the cabin, and Kate changed the iPod music a few more times, trying to drown out the thoughts that were nagging her about Josh and Castle. She found _Kyrie_ by Mr. Mister on Ali's iPod, and it put both of them into a better mood.

The lake sparkled in the summer sunshine, and the floating dock bounced along with the gentle waves. She hadn’t been out here in a few years. Was it five? Or six? The last time she came out this way was an Easter weekend about five years ago with Ali and Dad. Ali turned onto the gravel, which bounced her uncomfortably. Kate groaned slightly, trying not to vocalize her discomfort. It was awkward for Ali.

“I’m trying to drive slowly!” Ali growled.

“It’s not you, it’s the gravel,” Kate explained. “I don’t mean to annoy you. That much.”

Ali rolled her eyes. “I’ll get everything, don’t even try to help, alright?” she asked, pulling up to the cabin. “You just go stretch your legs or whatever, I’ll get your bed ready. You shouldn’t lift anything heavier than ten pounds.”

“I won’t.”

Ali got out of the car first to unlock the cabin. Kate tried to move, and managed to stand up once the car door was open without any help, although it felt like a sheet of steel was being stabbed into her chest. Kate picked up little Tessie and carried her in to have something to do. The cabin smelled a little, like mothballs and dust. She set Tessie down on the couch.

“Are you exhausted?” Ali asked. “Let me make up the bed and you can take a nap! Go sit down.”

The cabin was decorated with old furniture from their grandparent’s houses on both sides. Their parents hadn’t wanted their old-fashioned country kitsch in their Manhattan apartment, and they hadn’t known what to do with the old furniture, so it ended up here. It fit here. There was an old stereo and stereo speakers, the most modern items, and an old fluorescent Modelo beer sign over the kitchen table. The living room had a fireplace and shelves stuffed to the gills with books board games and photo albums, and an old, dusty tube TV. The cabin looked like the inside of the lake house in _the Great Outdoors_ , although it was much smaller. And it was filled with memories for both of the sisters.

Ali made up the smaller bed after bringing in Booker, too. Kate shrugged out of her jeans and took off her bra under her t-shirt, and laid down for an afternoon nap, mentally exhausted enough to fall asleep almost immediately. But she dreamed about Montgomery’s funeral, and her last night alone with Josh. She had sent Castle away with a promise to call him, but she felt odd calling him. The words that echoed in her dreams were, _I love you, Kate. I love you._ It made her uncomfortable. Her feelings were muddled up and confusing. Their last interaction was awkward. How did she feel? She didn’t know. She had copped out and said she didn’t remember much at the funeral. Chickened out was more like it. She had been too scared to confront Castle about what he said to her. She hated that she had chickened out: she hated it with a passion.

She felt even more hot and exhausted than before when she woke up. It was dark out, and she could hear the crickets faintly outside, and it was darker than she was used to out the window, with no ambient New York light. Ali had opened the windows and a slight breeze from the lake blew in, cooling the room a bit, but not enough. She picked up her phone, and saw how close the date was to Ali’s birthday.

Kate opened the bedroom door to find Ali cooking some chicken breasts and mushrooms with asparagus for them for dinner. Kate desperately wished she could have some white wine with it tonight, but her surgeon had told her not to drink for a while, post-surgery. Ali had also brought in the duffel bags and all their things, and had started to unpack them. Ali had been hard at work in the stuffy little cabin, too. It was cleaner than when they had arrived, dust off the shelves and furniture. The windows were opened to let in a breeze, since the cabin had a puny window unit air conditioner that hardly cooled more than the living room, and Kate could see a few of the boats out on the lake, their lights on.

“Hey,” Kate said.

Ali turned around, wooden spoon in hand. “Hey! How was your nap?”

“My room’s super-stuffy.”

Ali’s face blanched. “I can try to move the a/c unit into your room-”

“No, it’s fine, I had too many covers. Thanks for getting my stuff.”

“You’re welcome. Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Let me get some pants on.” Kate voluntarily set the table once she found a pair of jean cut-offs in her suitcase in the living room, trying to remember where everything was. And then, she saw it: a card deck of Phase 10. Grinning to herself, she knew exactly what she’d make Ali do after dinner after she called Josh tonight.

Ali’s culinary skills were up to par, along with her post-dinner clean up, which Kate didn’t mind at all. Kate joked she’d keep playing sick while her sister scrubbed dishes. She called Josh out on the screened in patio in the dark.

“How’s Vermont?” he asked.

“It’s nice so far,” she said, lighting the citronella candle. The moon was only a sliver and the stars were amazing over the lake. “We made it in good time. And Ali insisted on stopping at a farmer’s market so we didn’t have to go to Wal-Mart’s for groceries, so the dinner she made was delicious. She’s inside doing the dishes right now, not that I mind her doing all the chores.”

“So devious, that’s what I like about you,” Josh joked.

“How was work today?”

“Um, pretty boring, just consultations, no operations. Have you heard from anybody at my precinct?”

“No, not since I got out of the hospital.”

“Well… me neither. When’s Kent coming back?”

“I don’t know…” Kate said lowering her voice to a whisper. “He just came back to support Ali in her time of need. He had no intention of getting back together with her for good.”

“So it was just... “

“Break-up sex, yeah. Why do you think I came out here with her?”

“Be careful. Keep her busy, it’s going to hit her eventually.”

“I know. It will.”

There was a long silence, and Kate realized they didn’t have anything else to talk about. “Well, Ali’s excited because the food’s so cheap out here. She’s making plans to make an etouffee and she’s got the ingredients to make pasta from scratch,” Kate offered.

“When can I come out?” Josh joked. “That sound delicious!”

“We’ll see. Dinner tonight was pretty good, I think she watched too much _Master Chef_.”

Long silence.

“I guess you’re going to get a lot of reading done while you’re out there?”

“Yeah.”

Another long silence. “Well, I’m going to challenge Ali to a game of Phase 10. I’ll call you tomorrow after PT?”

“Okay. Take care, Kate.”

“You too.”

She hung up the phone and considered their conversation.

Castle had accused her of hiding in relationships with men she didn’t love, and she had taken great offense to that. She realized she was shivering a little bit from the breeze, but she didn’t want to go inside and face Ali just yet. Did she love Josh? Or did they just have fun riding their bikes and watching _Game of Thrones_ in common? And was the sex the best part of their relationship? Was their relationship really this shallow? Was there anything to salvage? Was love actually possible with Josh? She wasn’t sure. She had told Castle way too much about herself for someone she wanted to keep at a distance. Wait, why was she considering Castle? _Dammit, Castle,_ she thought bitterly.

In the shock of being shot, he had tried to block the bullet for her. He had tackled her to try to save her, and in her blurred vision and the buzzing in her ears, Castle said, _I love you, Kate._

She considered him a friend. A partner. The bond between partners in the Fraternal Order of Police was deep. Deep down, she loved her fellow police officers because the bond they shared. It was very, very deep, even though Castle was only playing cop, he was practically one of them. And yet, they had kissed, too. She didn’t like to think about it. She had felt butterflies, weak in the knees, her ears and skin had burned, her mouth tingled, and she felt a rush of adrenalin when his lips touched hers. She didn’t get that rush with Josh when he kissed her.

Why was Castle horning in on her contemplation of her relationship with Josh? It felt so unfair. Why was Castle doing this to her? He had been doing this to her without even realizing it since she woke up in the ICU post-surgical room. Actually, long before. Why?

She heard a tiny meow behind her, and gasped in pain when she tried to twist around to see which cat it was.

“It’s just Tessie in the window sill,” Ali said, coming out with a chilled beer.

“You think they’ll try to get out?”

“No,” Ali said. “They hate going outside. Booker’s hiding under the bed in the loft right now.”

“Chicken cat. Can I have a sip of your beer?”

“No way! The doctor said-”

“One little sip couldn’t hurt!”

“Fine. One sip.” She handed Kate the bottle, and Kate took a long drag, and it tasted like ambrosia. “How did the call with Josh go?”

Kate shrugged. “Um… I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?”

“He’s… I guess…” Kate knew she could tell Ali anything. “He’s boring.”

“Boring?” Ali repeated, stunned. Kate took another long swig from the beer and nodded. “He rides a motorcycle and he’s a heart surgeon who travels all over the world with the W.H.O.!”

“But… I think the bikes are all we have in common,” Kate admitted. “I mean, I was attracted to him, fascinated with him when I first met him. He’s _such_ a good guy, don’t you think?”

“Oh, totally!” Ali agreed. “You can’t argue that.”

“But I just realized we didn’t have anything to talk about just now. We’re always so busy, I didn’t realize that he and I could actually run out of things to talk about. Long, awkward silences. I told him about grocery shopping at the Farmer’s Market, the conversation was so boring. I got bored in there myself today. Lame, right?”

“Well… sort of. Yeah.”

Kate realized she was talking about men and their shitty behavior in front of her recently separated sister. “I’m sorry, I know you’re going through a shitty time, too.”

“No, it’s okay. The busier I am, the less I can sit around and think about Kent,” Ali sighed as Kate snuck a third sip of the beer. “Hey, gimme my beer back!”

She handed the bottle over, flashing a grin her sister’s way. At least they were off the subject, although it was still bugging her. She wasn’t sure she wanted to say it aloud to anyone yet, how Castle kept on intruding on her thoughts about Josh. But if there was anyone she could trust this secret with it, it was Ali. “Wanna play some Phase 10?”

“Dad still has that game?” Ali squealed. They had played it all the time in their teen years at the cabin, and it got quite competitive between the two back then. There was a glint in Ali’s eye at the thought. “Game on!”

* * *

After Kate lost spectacularly in Phase 10 to Ali, (she scoffed and claimed she was tired and not able to pay attention and Ali did a little victory dance to rub it in) she went to bed.

Her dreams were strange again: she dreamed about the first shootout she and Castle had ever gotten involved in together on a case. She dreamed that this time, she was shot, right in the chest with one of the pops, and she gasped in pain. The pain increased, which was unusual for one of her dreams, and Castle was on top of her, holding her. _I love you, Kate._ She woke up to find Booker’s fat ass had laid down on top of her chest, his butt to Kate’s face. She shooed him off and tried to go back to sleep.

The next morning, Ali woke her up early, and made breakfast. The air was chilly for late spring, and the lake looked murky under the overcast sky. While Kate enjoyed a second cup of hot French Press coffee (decaff, her caffeine consumption had to be lowered), Ali went out onto the porch to practice some yoga. She was relieved that Ali had set up a shower bench in the bathroom for her to sit on so she didn’t pass out under the hot water. The shower felt heavenly to her, and Ali insisted on driving her back to town to the PT office.

The workout in PT was something Kate initially scoffed at: she did this stuff for warm-ups usually. But when she tried to move, her entire torso protested, and she gasped in pain. The physical therapist pushed her, telling her that her muscles were just sore from being disturbed in her chest, not her organs. Kate was soaked in sweat, trying to push through the pain by the time they were finished.

Ali waited in the receptionist’s office, reading a corny, worn-out bodice-ripper with a cracked spine from the bookshelves in the cabin. “Does your stomach hurt?” Ali asked, looking up.

“Everything hurts,” Kate responded.

“Mine hurts. Was the chicken undercooked last night?”

“No, I thought you did really well with it.”

“I think mine was a little raw,” Ali said. “Better me than you right now, right? What do you want for lunch?”

* * *

 

After Kate napped the afternoon away, Ali made an early dinner. Kate noted the pretty sunset, and they watched it together.

“Why don’t we sleep out here?” Ali suggested. “I can drag your mattress out.”

“Sounds good.”

They laid down on the old mattress from Kate’s room, watching the sky darken, talking about random things and enjoying their time together. Kate liked this time with Ali, snuggling under the blankets, eating skillet-popped popcorn, tossing kernels at the cats, laughing at stupid stuff together. It was almost like when Ali’s senior year, when they had walked out of their father’s house together and out on their own. They had been dirt-poor, and the cooks at the steakhouse jobs they had had left out spare food for them, but they had been so happy in that cramped apartment. Ali told her about the charity events her sorority alumna sisters were holding that she didn’t mind missing, and they laughed at that.

“I’m so glad I never joined a sorority in college,” Kate said.

“You really missed out.”

“Yeah right! I could never imagine myself wearing Greek letters and doing cheers and chants!”

“My sisters always said you’d have made a great member.”

“Ugh. Are you sure you don’t mind being out here with me?” Kate asked.

“You’re kidding, right?” Ali scoffed. “The only thing I miss is my DVR. And the background city noise.”

“I kind of miss the noise, too.”

“Anything else?”

“Like what?”

“Like Josh?” Ali teased.

“Like Josh,” Kate said, rolling her eyes.

“You don’t miss Castle a teensy-weensey little bit?”

“Okay... I miss him a little bit. Don’t tell Josh. I had a terrible fight with him right before Montgomery was shot, and we’re kind of just pretending it didn’t happen at all.”

“Why did you get shot, Katie? Did it have to do with Mom? Nobody will tell me anything.”

“Yeah… You won’t repeat a word I say?”

“Of course not.”

Kate divulged everything to Ali. It was tough for Ali to follow, and Kate got the sense that Ali was a little angry that she had trusted Castle, not her sister.

“You didn’t trust me to help you?”

“And put you in danger?” Kate asked, offended at the thought.

“I’d ask you the same thing, but you never want to let me in on it.”

“Don’t get angry. You need to be there for Dad.”

“And you don’t? Katie, what would I do if I lost you? Do you ever think of that? That got a little too real at Montgomery’s funeral.”

“Well, you’re the one that’s settled down and gotten married. You’ll carry on the family line. I sometimes think I won’t.”

“Maybe if you weren’t a cop, putting your life in danger every time I turned around…”

“Hey, I do this because…”

“Why did you really become a cop, Katie?”

Kate sighed, and glanced up at the beautiful, starry sky. “I wanted to solve Mom’s murder,” she said. “At first. And I let it go after a while. But Castle stirred all that up again, damn him. But I love solving murders and getting to the truth. So many detectives make up their version of the truth because it suits their agendas, but I wanted to be different. And Castle gets that…”

“You said you didn’t want to talk about him, and now…”

“I wish he didn’t make me feel so jumbled up inside,” Kate blurted out.

“He makes you feel like you’ve never felt before, doesn’t he?”

Kate was loath to admit it. “How do I feel this way about him while I’m with Josh?”

“If you really loved Josh, your heart wouldn’t have allowed yourself to feel this way about Castle,” Ali said. “Johnny Depp said so.”

“What?” Kate laughed, and clutched the stab of pain in her chest. “Johnny Depp has no idea who the hell I am.”

“Johnny Depp said something like, if you find yourself in love with two people at the same time, choose the second person, because you’d have never fallen in love with the second person in the first place.”

“I’m not in love with either of them. I don’t love easily.”

“I’ve noticed.”

Katie thought about it.

“I just want you to find happiness, Katie. You saved my life all those years ago when you came home from the Ukraine and finally set Dad on the right track. You abandoned your dreams for me. I owe you.”

 


	3. Surprises and Endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Castle.

Kate was determined to recover as fast as she could, but when she tried to do exercises in the cabin, Ali stopped her. They brought it up with the PT, and they told her it was a bad idea to overstress her body. It would hinder her recovery to work out too hard this time, and it would slow her recovery down.

So, with only spotty antenna TV, a VCR and a shelf full of fuzzy VCR tapes from the 80s, a low speed-wifi and very little cell reception, Kate and Ali ended up cooking, reading, playing card games, going on beach walks, and eventually, when it got warm enough, they took their father’s fishing boat out on the lake and laid out in the sun in their bras and shorts to get some color. Ali did most of the cleaning, but Kate tried to assist to contribute, feeling worthless.

Kate had memories of their childhood summers and the weekends they went ice fishing in the winters. She and Ali went through the photo albums in the bookshelves in the living room, laughing and reminiscing. Kate felt a little guilty when Ali brought up the memory of the times Kate had abandoned her to hang out with kids her own age at the cabin. But they laughed at it in the end. And then, the memories of the silly fights they had over who got the last Fruit Roll-up made them laugh so hard that Kate’s stomach started to hurt.

Ali’s upset stomach returned after a few days, and Kate drove herself to town for PT when it got bad enough. Kate stopped off in town to birthday shop for Ali: a delicate thin silver chain necklace and with a pearl pendant, since Ali was a June birthstone.

When she arrived home, Ali hadn’t made lunch. “Ali?” Kate called.

“I’m upstairs,” Ali called back.

“How’s your stomach?”

“It’s still bothering me,” Ali’s head appeared at the top of the spiral staircase.

“Okay, let me make lunch today, you can take a break.”

Kate rustled through the ingredients in the fridge and cabinets to make something simple to soothe Ali’s stomach. She ended up opening a can of chicken noodle soup and made some grilled cheese sandwiches.

Ali came downstairs for lunch.

“Comfort food,” Kate announced. “I’d have chosen tomato soup, but we didn’t have any.”

“This is good,” Ali said.

“Are you running a fever?”

“No.” Ali looked upset. “Somebody knocked on the door while you were at PT. A guy was asking me if I knew where the harbor master’s cabin was, and I told him there wasn’t one, and we got into a conversation. When he introduced himself to me, I introduced myself back and…”

“Ali?” Kate asked, her stomach feeling like a lead brick had been dropped into it. She knew she shouldn’t have taken some extra time to shop for a birthday gift for her. Now she would never forgive herself if that guy had done something to her.

“He served me,” Ali said bluntly. “Kent sent divorce papers.” Ali burst into tears. “I can’t believe he did that while I’m here, taking care of you! How insensitive!” She threw her grilled cheese triangle down onto her plate to dab at her eyes with her napkin.

Kate couldn’t believe Kent had done something like this. At a time like this. Couldn’t the divorce have waited until she was back at work? Her own soup looked disgusting, now. “Asshole,” Kate muttered. “Oh, Ali, I’m sorry.” She got up and went to hug her, but Ali pushed her away.

“I’m also… I’m late.”

Kate was stunned. Her perfection-oriented little sister, who did everything perfectly and always worried about being everything to everybody might accidentally be pregnant? Kate remembered coming home from school at NYU one day to find Ali making out on the couch with her then-boyfriend (James, or Jamie or something like that) one afternoon after classes, and she had sat Ali down to have the birth control discussion with her. And then, took her to the free clinic to get some birth control for her under their father’s realm of notice. Ali had been so good and astute with things like birth control. She had even told Kate her plan with Kent during their engagement: no kids for four years, so they could both get their careers underway and buy Dad’s cabin from him so they’d have a place to weekend.

“I’ve been trying to convince myself it’s just stress that you’ve been in the hospital, but…”

“Wow… Ali… are you sure? You checked your calendar?”

She nodded. “It’s been a nagging thought all week. I think I’m ready to go to the drug store and get a pregnancy test to find out for sure.”

“Let’s do it after lunch. I haven’t had the rag once since my surgery either, you know.”

“I hope it’s just stress. I really do!”

“I know. Me too.”

“I’m done. No offense to your cooking.”

“None taken, so am I. Let’s go!”

They found a CVS close by, and scoured the shelves for the family planning section, finding the pregnancy tests. They bought two different brands, a liter of water, and went home. Ali promptly took both in the bathroom, having drunk the entire liter of water on the drive back, and Kate laid them both out on a hand towel and folded them both up, having read the directions. Kate had been through a pregnancy scare or two of her own. She set a timer on her phone for five minutes and they left them on the counter.

“What am I going to do?” Ali moaned, flopping down on the old plaid couch. “I can’t have a baby right now! I’m just thinking about the leave time I’m taking to take care you, and how I’ll need more in nine months- how could I have been so forgetful with the pill! I swear, I’ve taken every pill-”

“Did you take them at the same time?” Kate asked.

“Well… not when you were rushed into emergency surgery, I sort of forgot it at it’s usual time, but I did take it that day.”

“Oh, Ali, no!” Kate moaned. “That’s what did it! You didn’t take it at the same time!”

“Kent and his family are going to claim I did this just to get more alimony out of the prenup,” Ali whimpered. “He’s going to kill me!”

“Kent’s not that bad of a guy,” Kate said. “Kent wanted kids, didn’t he?”

“Later on, not right now.”

“Let’s distract ourselves,” Kate said. “What about names? Let’s come up with baby names. Or play Phase 10. Or Gin?”

“Baby names,” Ali said.

“Do you want to name the baby after Mom?” Kate suggested.

“Well, I always thought you’d have the first baby between the two of us, and you’d be the one to name your baby after her.”

“Well… first come, first serve. Just promise you won’t use stupid hipster names like Quinoa or something.”

Ali laughed, although it was quick and little hysterical-sounding. “Quinoa. Yeah, I’ll dress her in nothing but Matilda Jane dresses that she’ll get dirty in a heartbeat!”

Kate laughed, too. “You know what’s worse? If you did a pink explosion with her room and wardrobe. With lots of frilly lace she’d puke all over.”

“Or worse, if I have a boy and dress him up in satin shorts and lacy collared shirts that are all prissy and girly. He’ll probably hate me for that for life.”

They laughed together. “Yeah, like Morgan’s son. That poor kid,” Kate said.

“Yeah, if it’s a boy, I’m going to dress him like a little boy in khakis and flannel and little tuxedos. And graphic t-shirts. And maybe bow ties like the 11th Doctor!”

“Aww! And a little red fez?”

“Yes! I bet we can find one online! You’ll be the godmother?”

“You know I will!” Kate cried, suddenly bursting into tears. She was going to become an aunt and a godmother? This baby couldn’t be born fast enough, now!

“Are you crying?”

“Yes! Dad’s going to be so excited to have a grandchild! We have to get the baby a little Yankees uniform!”

“We do! What about you? I’ll have to go back to work right away to save up my FMLA for my maternity leave…”

“I think I can handle things on my own now.”

“I’ll come every weekend to stay with you.”

“Don’t waste the gas!” Kate scoffed. “Twice a month will be fine!”

They laughed and the timer went off.

“Okay, let’s check.”

Ali got up and brought back the tests wrapped in a towel, and laid them across the table, unfolding it the cloth. She picked up the first one, the cheaper one.

“It’s a plus sign,” Ali whispered.

Kate checked the package. “Pregnant.”

She picked up the second one. “It says ‘pregnant’.” She was horrified, but excited all at once. “This is a whole world of trouble for me,” Ali admitted.

“But it’s a baby! I can’t believe my little sister is beating me to the stirrups, you butthead!”

“‘Butthead’?” Ali repeated.

“Yeah,” Kate chortled.

“I’m going to catch so much hell at work once they find out I’m pregnant,” Ali moaned. “But… this means I can’t stay much longer here with you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Kate promised, rolling her eyes. “I can drive myself places already. Josh said he’d come and stay with me a few days a week if I needed him. And Lanie said she would, too. Don’t feel like you have to put your whole life on hold with me. I could use the solitude, things got intense before...”

“What about Castle?” Ali suggested, eyebrow raised.

Kate bit the inside of her cheek. “Well… Let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about how you’re going to tell Kent.”

“Kent?” Ali swallowed. “I can’t even believe it yet, myself. How are things between you and Castle anyway?”

“I said, let’s not talk about it.”

“Not good?”

“No… Well, I need to trust you with something I wouldn’t tell anybody about him.”

“What?”

“I don’t know how things are going to go. You know I’m questioning my relationship with Josh right now, but... I do remember the funeral. The whole thing, up until I was loaded into the ambulance.”

“Oh Katie…”

Kate nodded, remembering through her blurred vision. “He tried to shield from the bullet, but was way too late. He got to me, and caught me before I hit the ground, and he said… he said he loved me.”

Ali’s jaw dropped.

Kate nodded, and tears blurred her vision. “I only said I didn’t remember being shot to give him an out. People say dumb stuff in the heat of the moment.”

“Do you think it was the heat of the moment?”

Kate hadn’t dared to think that. She wasn’t sure what would hurt worse: he said something so deep and personal that he didn’t mean, or that he actually meant it. Kate’s tears blinded her for a moment, and she wiped them away.

“You have to be so confused,” Ali said.

“I am. Okay, so Kent, how do we tell him?”

“Us telling him?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t let you tell him alone! Where’s your phone? You have speaker, don’t you?”

Ali watched as she pulled up Kent’s number. “Text him!”

“You want me to text him that you’re knocked up?”

“No! Just tell him to call me,” Ali said.

“He just served you divorce papers!”

“I know, I know, but he’ll probably ignore any contact from me right now!”

“You really think he’s going to respond?”

“Well… he gets into meetings and can’t make calls until it’s over.”

“Give me my phone,” Kate said, holding out her hand. Ali handed it over. Kate opened a new text message to Kent. “We just got your papers, (thanks for that),” Kate narrated, “but Ali needs to tell you something else. Can you call her when you get a chance? Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Ali said, nervously tapping her toes against the coffee table.

Kate hit the send button. “And so we wait. Or you can just send him pictures of the pregnancy tests.”

“Why don’t deal with Castle and Josh, now?”

“Let’s not,” Kate responded. “We need to get you to a doctor for a formal diagnosis of your pregnancy, too.”

“I don’t think two pregnancy tests could be wrong. Oh my God, I’m going to be a mom!” Alison looked like she was going to pass out for a moment.

“You’ll be a great one. You know what this means, though? No more alcohol!”

* * *

Kate took a nap while Ali waited on Kent’s response, just out of exhaustion. Her doctors told her: having a bullet enter her body and having her sternum cracked had been quite a trauma, and the tiredness was her body’s signal to sleep so she’d recover. She woke up to Booker and Tessie tearing through the room and knocking a lamp over. She picked up her phone, and saw a text from Lanie, another from Josh, and then one from her father. Nothing from Castle. She responded to Lanie’s first, just telling her they were having fun sister time and that she wanted her to come out and visit. Then, she went to her father’s, asking him to come visit, telling him that she and Ali were doing really well together, and she was feeling better and stronger already.

Then, Josh’s text: " _Miss you, sexy."_

She bit her lip. She used to text him all sorts of provacative responses, sometimes a selfie that was a bit suggestive. He was hinting that he wanted that. But the nagging memory of Castle telling her that he loved her tapped the back of her mind.

It was the heat of the moment, she told herself. But the kiss three days before… how could she ever forget it? He had more fire and passion for her than she ever had with Josh. Josh was more into the sex, but what was there asides from motorcycles? She could always count on Castle to keep things interesting. She knew he respected her mind. And they had things in common. His childishness that had been so annoying and unprofessional at first kept him interesting. It wasn’t that he was childish, he just had a child-like fascination with the world, and by extension, with her. She had, somewhere along the line, come to enjoy that about him. Even in their silences, it was never awkward. Not until he came to the hospital to visit her. It would break her in two if he had just said that at the idea of losing her, and didn’t love her. Was it possible she loved him? She wished she could just shut all this down inside herself, and not feel anything. But her body responded to Castle, that adrenalin rush in the kiss was proof. But she had to take care of Ali right now… or at least once she recovered, and spent time with Ali’s baby.

“ _Missing you too._ ” She considered taking a selfie, but she had no make up on and looked like death. “ _When are you coming to VT?_ ”

She had text much more suggestive things to him, but right now didn’t feel right. But she didn’t want Josh knowing this.

In the kitchen, Ali was stirring a pot of risotto on the stove.

“Hey,” Kate said. “Did you hear from Kent, yet?”

“He texted me back, but I want to tell him in a call. A text seems to impersonal.”

“I’m trying to get Lanie and Josh to come up here. One at a time, of course,” she said. “They both texted me. So did Dad.”

“Dad? You didn’t tell him anything, right?”

“No, I didn’t. I think it’s best if you told him in person. I can’t believe you got married first and you’re having the first grandchild for him!”

“Well, Castle and Josh were fighting about you, get on it and make up your mind!” Ali replied. Her phone rang on the coffee table, and she ran to get it. “Kent! I’m so glad you called back!” She put it on speakerphone. “Katie’s here with me.”

“She is?” Kent asked. “Hi, Katie.”

“Hi,” Kate called.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m doing better,” Katie said. “They say I’ll be back to my old self in six weeks.”

“Good. So…” Kent said. “I’m not stupid. Don’t tell me this is what I think it is.”

“What do you think it is?” Ali asked, flopping down on the chair.

Kent sighed. “Are you calling to tell me you’re pregnant?”

Ali bit her lip and glanced up at Kate. “You didn’t tell him?” Ali mouthed.

Kate shook her head.

“You are, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Ali said softly. “So, is this where you wash your hands? Disavow the baby’s yours?”

“Do you really think that of me?” Kent asked, sounding offended.

“I didn’t plan this,” Ali said. “I really didn’t. I didn’t do this on purpose, I swear. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be pregnant because this throws a wrench in the divorce papers you had me served today. You know my attorney won’t be able to accept them, now, right?”

“Everything changes with a baby,” he agreed. “I’m not an asshole who’s going to run away now that you’re pregnant, Ali. But I’m moving on already.”

Ali’s expression belied how she felt.

“That’s kind of cold, Kent. Are you already seeing someone new?” Kate asked.

“Well… sort of.”

Ali looked like she had been punched. Kate’s jaw dropped: if she was up to it, she’d have made a threat she could make good on.

“Ali, don’t think I don’t want anything to do with the baby. This changes a lot of things, but I always said that if you and I were to have a baby, I’d be there for that child forever. I guess this doesn’t change.”

“I guess not,” Ali sighed.

“How did you find out?”

“I’m late. We guessed, I took some pregnancy tests this afternoon, and both came up pregnant. And I can’t stomach the smell of garlic and really briny stuff.”

“Wow… I never thought I’d be divorcing the mother of my first child.”

“Me neither, Kent.”  
“Well…”

“Can you not tell anybody just yet? I don’t know how my office is going to take it when I announce it.”

“We’ll work this out, I promise. I’m not going to leave you hanging and be a deadbeat dad.”

“Thank you, Kent,” Ali sighed. “We haven’t even told my father, yet.”

“It’s up to you. Just keep me up to date, you know. The people you tell and when I can announce it. And the appointments. Like ultrasounds and stuff?”

“Of course.”

“We’ll work out a custody arrangement. I want joint custody.”

“Good. Me too. I’m glad you’re actually going to be a part of this. Thank you.”

“Good night.”

“Good night. And get better soon, Katie.”

“Bye,” Kate called.

Ali ended the call, and the air was heavy between the sisters for a long moment. “I’m going to go stir the risotto.”

“Well, that went better than I thought it would go,” Kate said, shrugging. “Are you okay?”

“I’m kind of considering what to do now. You know, all afternoon, I was sitting there thinking, ‘his whole family is going to come down on me, including him.’ And now, he’s actually kind of cool about it all. He’s going to co-parent with me. Don’t worry, I’m just digesting things.”

* * *

 

Ali made plans to return to work within two weeks. Kate was certain she’d be self-sufficient by then, even if not at 100%. And Josh and Kate made plans for him to spend a weekend in Vermont together before Ali left for the city. She had gotten a positive pregnancy test at a doctor’s office here in Vermont, and Ali explained to the doctor that she was going to carry her pregnancy to term and give birth in New York, and she was being referred to an OB GYN there. Ali was already a month along, now.

Kate and Ali planned to make the shrimp etouffe, although finding the ingredients wasn’t easy. They had to make sure the shrimp was properly cooked, though.

It was difficult to communicate with Josh as if things weren’t strange enough already.

Josh arrived late Friday night, and Kate came out of the cabin to greet him. He had taken his motorcycle up. “Kate!”

“Josh!” she cried, carefully going down the stairs in the dark to hug him as he took off his helmet.

“I can hug you? You’re alright?”

“I’m fine,” she said.

He slipped his arms around her torso, and held her in his arms. “I’m so happy to see you again,” he whispered in her ear. “You look like you’re doing so well.” His hands rested on the small of her back. “Where’s Ali?”

“Inside. We’ve made shrimp etouffe from scratch just for your visit!”

“You did? That’s impressive!”

“Did you know city girls can cook?” she teased, taking his hand. “And her birthday’s on Monday.”

“If I had known-”

“Don’t worry about it! Just help me distract her so I can get some cupcakes or something.”

Inside, Ali was making garlic bread and pouring some white wine for Kate: her PT doctor gave her the OK to drink moderately again, lowering the dosage of her medications, taking her off pain meds entirely.

“Josh! It’s good to see you again!” Ali cried, putting down the butter knife to hug him.

“You too! What’s this I hear about you two making etouffe from scratch?”

Ali was great at keeping conversation up, although she and Kate didn’t mention the new pregnancy. Ali didn’t drink, though. They ate the fresh etouffee together, enjoying it, and Ali had gotten some white wine to go along with it. It was pleasant. After dinner and a game of Phase 10, Kate went to take a shower, and Josh unpacked. When she came back to the bedroom, Josh was laying on the bed in a t-shirt and a fresh pair of pajama bottoms, reading the first few pages of the book on Kate’s nightstand. His ankles were crossed, and she had to admit: she had never seen him look so sexy before.

“Hey,” he said, looking up, grinning. “Have a good shower?”  
“Yeah,” she said, laying down next to him.

“You know, I don’t want to be an asshole, but it’s going to be so hard to keep my hands off you.”

She chortled, although it still twinged a little. “It’s not too bad. You know, I’m not made of glass. You can touch me.”

“No, I swore to myself-”

“I’ll tell you if you hurt me.” She thought of Ali, upstairs, getting into bed, her predicament at the moment. “Can we just make out for a while?”

“That’s fine.”

* * *

The next morning after a celibate night, she took Josh to the shore’s edge after breakfast, and they walked together, hand-in-hand. She pointed out landmarks and told him stories about her trips to the lake as a child. Her lips were swollen from the kissing the night before and she had a bit of whisker burn, but she felt hopeful things would get better with Josh. “There used to be a lifeguard tower somewhere around here, but this lake’s always been a swim-at-your-own-risk kind of beach since I could remember. And there’s the dock where Dad used to keep his boat, before he built his boat house.”

“The one by your cabin?”

“Mmm-hmm,” she said. “That’s the one. We used to go fishing with Dad, and we’d carry his tackle box and fishing pole. There used to be a bait shop there, too. We got used to handling live bait when we were little.”

“I never knew this kind of stuff about you,” he said.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been fishing,” Kate admitted. “Did you ever fish?”

Josh shook his head. “Not really. Well, a few times with my grandfather, but not enough to catch anything.”

“Oh, Ali and I used to catch all kinds of fish. Trout, minnows, yellow perch. Dad even caught a bass fish once, it’s in the photo albums, he’s holding it, it’s almost as big as Ali was back then.  I’ll show you at lunch. We used to eat everything we caught. We’d bring it home, gut it, prep it, and cook it over the grill.”

“What can’t you do?” he chortled.

“At the moment? Yoga,” Kate joked. “You know, some nights when it’s warm enough, Ali and I sleep on the screened in porch. It’s really pretty and peaceful out here. Especially at night. I’ll wake up to her cats laying on my head, and she goes out and does yoga on the dock before seven. I wish I could do it with her, I’m just too weak right now.”

“Speaking of which, do you want me to go sneak out and get a cake for her?”

“Sure. That’d be nice. She keeps talking about me like I made this huge sacrifice for her at one time and she’s here because she owes me, but… it was never a sacrifice for me. I needed her all those years ago. I still do.”

“That’s one the things like the most about you. How much you love your family.” He stroked her hair, and she sighed. It was nice to be touched. “I think we really need to talk about our future. I think it’s time.”

“Time?”

“Kate, I want you to move in with me when you get back to the city.”

Her jaw dropped.

“Do you want to think about it? It’s a big move.”

“Yeah, I do. I really do need some time to consider and think about it.”

* * *

That night, Josh managed to get an ice cream cake from the Baskin-Robbins in town, and Kate made dinner, and they brought out the cake and her present at the end of the meal. Josh had to carry it, seeing how weak Kate was. Ali was touched at the gesture of the cake, and Kate got out the present.

“Oh, I love it!” she sighed, holding it up in the crook of her finger to examine the pearl pendant in the light. “Thank you! It’s beautiful! Thank you both!”

“The cake was my present,” Josh said. “The necklace was your sister’s.”

“When did you find the time to get it?” Ali asked.

“I know how to sneak around,” Kate joked.

“Put it on me?” Ali asked, lifting her hair up.

Kate helped her put the necklace on and Ali checked it out in the bathroom mirror. “It’s perfect! I love it!”

“Good,” Kate grinned. “I thought it looked like you. Dad’s coming down next weekend to see us, he wants to take us out for a birthday dinner.”

“I’ll wear it then,” Ali said, “here, I’ll clear the table if you two want to sit outside and watch the stars.”

Kate and Josh went out to sit on the screened in patio and hooked pinky fingers between the adirondack chairs. Kate tried to enjoy the silence, but Josh kept on coming up with weird things to talk about. Ali was scrubbing the kitchen down, doing a deep-clean, to give them some privacy.

“Do you want me to come down here next weekend? When your dad comes?” he asked. “Maybe we need to meet each other’s parents before we make that huge step of sharing an apartment. Have you thought about moving in together?”

All she could think about was her feelings for Castle. How could she hide them if they lived together? Could she just let them go? But how could she? “I… I’m not ready, Josh,” she admitted.

“I get the feeling sometimes that you hide things from me. You can trust me.”

“I… I can’t. I wish… Josh, I just got shot. This is pretty intense. I’m going through so much right now.”

“You’re not letting me in?”

It was true. But Kate didn’t want to hurt him. He had just offered to let her move in with him, that wasn’t an easy step. “I just need some time, Josh. Getting shot is really traumatic,” she lied, pulling her hand away to rub her eyes.

“Alright. Alright. Maybe I did ask too early. Let’s put it off.”

* * *

As Kate came into the bedroom that night, Josh was already under the covers, and the lights were off. She tried to be as quiet and possible, he was asleep. She crept under the covers beside him.

“Kate?” His voice was almost inaudible against the dark.

“Yes? You’re awake?”

“I really think we need to discuss something.” He rolled over in the bed to face her. “I’ve suspected this for a long time, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever had your heart.”

“Josh, don’t be silly!”

“I feel like there’s a wall. And anytime I see you and Castle together…”

She felt her heart leap into her throat. “Nothing’s ever happened between us.”

“I think I interrupted something. You know I only offered to move in together because I hoped you’d jump at the chance and ease my mind.”

“Josh…”

“I thought I was imaging things. I don’t think I was.”

“Josh, I’m telling you the truth when I tell you nothing’s ever happened.”

“But I think in time… something will.”  
She closed her eyes to absorb what he said. “So are we breaking up?”

They laid there in silence for a long time. Kate wanted to tell him so many things, but didn’t know how, suddenly.

“Man, I was crazy about you, Kate,” Josh sighed.

She hadn’t been touched, but she felt like she had just taken a punch to the stomach. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I. There’s something to be said for living up to the legend.”

“You are a legend, Josh,” Kate murmured, tears stinging her eyes. “I never wanted you to be hurt.”

He leaned over and kissed her. “I think I’m going to go home now.”

“Just wait until the morning to leave,” Kate whispered, sniffling.

“Okay.”

She reached up to stroke his cheek and kissed him again. She didn’t want things getting tougher, but she held him. He very gently and carefully loved her for the last time.

In the fog of dawn, she helped Josh pack up his dufflebag and strapping it down to his bike. She felt tears gathering again, and he hugged her one last time. “I’m going to miss you,” he whispered.

“I’ll miss you too.”

She inhaled, trying to memorize his aftershave, his leathers, his basic scent, to remember him. She had gotten so used to him, it was going to be hard to not have him there. She had been through breakups before, and each one was awful. Some more than others. This one? Terrible. She felt like vomiting and crying and like her internal organs were lead… all at once.

He pressed his lips to hers, and she held onto him. Wordlessly, he let go of her, and put on his helmet. She pressed her fingers to his one last time, and he glanced back at her as he got onto the motorcycle.

Josh disappeared with the roar of the engine into the fog.

Kate stood there by herself, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t want to face what she knew she had to, eventually. But how did she not?

There was the snap of the screendoor behind her and soft footsteps. Ali’s feet crunched the gravel and her arms slipped around Kate’s shoulders. Ali pressed her cheek to the back of Kate’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Ali whispered. Ali kissed her on the cheek and Kate felt Ali’s tears on her face.

“So am I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


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